Speak

The more I learn and understand of the entire situation my friend is in right now, and the more I remember of our conversations from the previous year regarding when things first started, the more convinced I am that silences should be broken. I can’t help but feel that had we been able to convince her to speak earlier then the resulting events would not have occurred.

Silence is both a blessing and a curse. It can save lives, maintain relationships, and just as quickly rip lives apart. The problem with using silence is that one must know when to maintain it, and when to speak. Today, for the first time I officially involved my family in the problems my friend was facing. Usually as adolescents and/or children we tend to handle things on our own, and situations become exacerbated. Had I chosen not to speak today, I do not know where my friend might have been, what frightening thoughts might have gone through her mind or what could possibly have happened to her to add to all the horror that already exists. When we couldn’t locate her for those first few hours, I felt so upset and so worried. I’ve mentioned this before in my post on Friendship: sometimes we need to perform what might appear to be an act of betrayal, to help save those we love–Speak.

Silence

Today, I find it so ironic the way my life has played out. In some ways I am the secret keeper for myself and others, and that very same position has constantly locked me in a box that I will never be able to escape. I guess what once again brought the point home for me today was seeing my mother’s reaction to the knowledge that one of my close friends had been raped/molested eventually resulting in her fleeing her home. The ensuing conversation between mother and I just seemed too close to home in a way. Having her pull me into a conversation that required me to explain what goes through the mind of a victim without actually revealing that I was once upon a time in a similar position was….uncomfortable to say the least. I remember when I was younger I would try not to move or breathe when the topic of abuse came up, because I didn’t want to give the secret away by even shifting an inch at the wrong moment. Then to have her say that usually the family doesn’t believe the person who tells his/her story tonight just sort of put the icing on the cake. All I kept muttering to myself was to maintain control and not tell her to shut up because I knew and understood to some extent how difficult it was to balance family and secrets and memories and conflicting emotions. I guess that’s what brought me to write this short post up here, because being the secret keeper doesn’t exactly leave room for many confidantes. Ah well.

Ponderance Upon Love

Ponderance Upon Love – 2008 the completion of the IT class trilogy 

I look out the window
And think
About the words
Of my friend.
Actually, it’s not what she said
But what she wrote.
It was about love, emotions, the heart.

Love, what a funny creäture.
Something God created to tease us with.
A tickle here, a laugh there, a touch here.
But it’s a beautiful creäture.
Always raising its golden head
In our presence,
Never just mine!
Come back once fair-haired creäture.
I’ll stop myself
Of everything
If you do.
I think.

Kadeen N.O. Waldron

Daydreams

Daydreams- 2008 once again in IT, same class

I look at the sky
and think of you.
I look at the clouds
and I remember you.
I listen to the wind
and I feel you.
Will you ever be mine?
I feel so unworthy of you sometimes,
I wish we would talk just once.
Do you ever dream of me?
Do you whisper my name?
Do you tell your friends about me?

I sit listening to the birds,
Looking at the sky,
Watching the vibrant colours
Of the trees’ leaves
Drifting gently with the clouds
And I think of you.

Kadeen N.O. Waldron