A Little Bit of Love & Lust

Today, I’m writing on the lighter side of life. 😀

L wasn’t who you would consider a girl’s dream. In fact, it was the dark persona he attempted to portray that probably drew me at first. He was going to the same camp that I was, and as usual I never gave any being of the male species the time of day. We met maybe on the second day of the practice camp. He needed a Bible to borrow, and I had an extra one. I never noticed his friend in the background. As the practice camp flew by, except for the one time that L’s friend and I were in the same drill line, I never remembered them again.

The days to the actual camp upon us quickly. I flew with L and a few friends to Antigua. I was  positively ecstatic that I would not only be in another country, but also spend one day with friends without the inquisitive,sometimes stern, eyes of my mother. L and I spoke for a while on the flight over, but I spent most of my time with my head buried in my book or looking at the islands that we stopped in. I never noticed that his friend wasn’t on this flight, subconsciously assuming that he was on the next flight with my mother.

L was entertaining to say the least, and while on some level, my fourteen year old body might have found him to be an attraction, my brain never quite got the memo.  Conversing with him was stimulating, he could keep the entire group of us enraptured in his comical stories. We talked alot, and we, along with his friend, were usually always together. Strange for me, since I was always one of the first to consider the importance of modesty and proper decorum, and being seen in the company of two boys was simply not my “thing”. To compound the issue, at the first sporting event, something of an unusual occurrence-well for me- happened.

We were sitting in the stands. L on the level above me, and his friend beside him. The sun had been brutal, for a “supposed” early morning. Irked by the heat, fed up of holding my umbrella, irritated by the constant strain on my back, and the desire to have some form of relief, my body overrode my brain and slumped against the open legs of L. For a few minutes, my brain didn’t catch up with my body’s careless actions, they were both too relieved to notice our inappropriate position. As soon as it registered upon my clearly addled brain -__-, I flew forward, almost shooting up off the stand. “What the hickory had I done?!” I looked up at him, confused by his startled expression at my reaction. He stared at me trying to comprehend my sudden movements.  As I silently reprimanded my body, I shifted over to the less,  magnetic pull of his friend’s legs. By the time my mother had arrived on camp, I think everyone except me, assumed that we had some form of relationship outside of our easy- going friendship. Even my mother unconsciously dropped firm stares in our direction. L, myself and T- L’s friend- were now firmly stuck to each other, mostly because I found it difficult to befriend girls of my age.

By the third or fourth day of camp, L realised that T had developed somewhat of a crush for me. Being me, I already knew that something of the sort had been brewing his mind. I did what I knew best, ignored the supposed secret inkling of both their minds, thinking that none of this would go anywhere. L approached me with the (partially true) tale, that everyone on camp was forming ideas about us. To diffuse the brewing rumours, he suggested that I spend more time with the more innocent looking T, and less time with him. As he fed these lines to me, I heard the first inner stirrings of my subconscious, laughing at their attempts to trade me. I decided to let things go, and see what would come of this. I gave up on trying to reading my book. L finished telling me the reasons that I should consider doing the “switcharoo”, and now all of us were sitting around looking at the people walking to, from, and around the stadium- the central point of the campsite.Before I knew it my childish side took control and I was chasing poor T around, threatening him with the very hard  covers of my really thick book. We laughed and talked crap, acting like a pair of sugar- high five- year olds. And here the sun dance begins.

The Changes I Fear

Kadeen Nichelle Oksana Waldron

Monday, June 25, 2012

Sun, Sand, Sea

My literal Land of Sun, Sand,& Sea-Antigua (compliments of anonymous user)

Sun, Sand, Sea

The land of sun, sand and, sea
Is where we first fell;
You tripped, and I caught you.
The sun our sign, the sea our element,
The sand our bed.

The warmth of the sun
I felt truly, within the beauty of your eyes;
Their milk – chocolatey brown
Swimming with flecks of amusement,
And liquid with adoration.

My heart trembled within me
At the sound of your voice.
The closeness of your skin to mine
Was the source of unfulfilled desires.
The untasted sweetness
Of your soft, warm lips
Melted my resistance;
The walls between us slowly crumbled,
My fort becoming desolate.
All that remained between us
Was the sea.

Vulnerable, we sit beneath the stars.
The warmth of the road
A constant reminder of our sign.
I look at the twinkling stars above us
As you look at me.
The words leave your lips
And like your heartbeat
Follows my response.

Separately, the land of sun,sand and sea
we leave behind.
The return to the native land is
sorrowfully joyful.
The distance is born.
Unexpectedly, a greater distance appears. (,unexpectedly)

As the sun slowly disappears each day without contact,
I lose faith in our sign.
As the tides of the seas go out,
So does my water–
My life–
Slowly drain away.
The walls of the fortress
Are painstakingly rebuilt.
All hope of your return fades.
The sand is washed away;
Carried from beneath me
Upon the tides…

Kadeen Nichelle Oksana Waldron ❤
February 9th, 2011-01.14 a.m