Lacrimosa

It blossomed within her, slow, and gentle, a nearly beautiful thing. It was kind, willing to take its time, until the tremors that rocked her fingers, and the battered phone in her hand, had spread to her arms. She was afraid. Terrified, really, with the way she could feel it eating its way from within her. What was this thing that locked her limbs in place, and crawled through her chest, waiting for the tears to fall? Had it known? Was it familiar with the notion that she had held dear to; cultivated with near manic precision, and sharp determination? She wasn’t sure. She, herself, was not specially familiar with this particular sentiment, and were it not for Lacrimosa, biting coldly at her ears, it would soon be forgotten.

K.N.O.W.

Walls

When the walls of indifference slip away for a moment,

There is terror in my soul,

A fear so poignant, and suffocating it staggers me;

Making the darkness of my sins’ meanings,

Pale virginally against the riptide of the fear,

The terror that corrodes my thought and gesture.

And under the weight of it all, I am so naked,

Unable to avoid the image of you;

You not wanting me;

Closing doors upon me;

The doors of your heart,

Windows of your eyes.

And it is under this spear of petrification

that my body freezes,

Skin and bones shattering

as teeth chatter painfully in silence;

The silence of your words,

And the deafness of your eyes;

Even as your ears are blind to my love,

and to my sorrow.

Kadeen Nichelle Oksana Waldron

Sunday, November 10, 2013. Aunty Kean’s birthday 20.44hrs

A Contemplation Upon……

I watch him smile

It feels like the world has been lit up

He laughs

And secretly I’m pleased.

Souls such as his

Should never be touched

By the hints of darkness and loss.

I smile to myself

Contented,

Pleased as punch,

Sweet as tea,

Nothing is better than the smile of a friend.

Brown eyes blink back at me

Honey coloured in the sun;

Sweet, succulent honey

Marred by bitter- tasting thoughts

A momentary lapse

And shadows float

Slowly behind those darkened beams

Reality returns, the shadows clear

Once more the golden sun-shine plays

Dancing between those honey rays.

Alone.

Quiet.

No mirth behind his laughter

A look of vulnerability

Crosses those stubborn brows.

Vulnerable.

You laugh at the mention of the word

Yet I can see the secret fears inside

The ones that make you shake

The ones that sully your dreams;

 Dreams?

Another laugh to you.

Only the living need such things.

Isn’t that what you whisper behind that smile?

Senseless distractions

Veer you closer

Closer to the end.

Le Fin.

The edge of the cliff.

How long before you let go?

How far before the crash?

I stretch my hand out

Hoping that you grab on

I promised I’d be your friend forever.

Swore to myself that I’d build those rails along the cliffs;

But what’s the need to stop you?

Isn’t that what your words imply?

We stand along the edge

You and I

The only rope

A bond of a friendship

And of  love.

I stretch my hands

Offering the lifeline

My eyes beg that you take it

My words scream to you jump.

I step away

Watching from afar.

Precious friend

Close to the heart

Maybe nearest to my soul.

Pearls of wisdom

Flow from your lips

Covertly proffered between jokes and hints.

The warm sun caresses your face;

We look at the cliff

Dark clouds fly quickly in

Eerie sounds cross the ocean’s waves

Rain drops touch our skin

Warm breaths puff along the freezing air.

You look at me

Cold waves call

A promise of  fatal embrace.

The edge seems closer

A question plays vividly on your face.

Like an open book

I read the soundless query

“Take the rope? Step over the edge? Surrender to the waves?”

I wish I could gift you the knowledge

The secrets that would help

But we both know

You must learn them for yourself.

As the wind whips your hair around your face

A memory enters my mind:

I see the walls that once existed

The crumbled bricks that once protected

The silent figure that stands before me.

Ruins, broken glass

All still valiently attempting

To care a pain-filled heart.

With one blink

The image is gone

But the forlorn howls of a lone wolf

Still haunt

From behind those shattered walls.

I offer you the rope

The precious cord of friendship

The gentle binds of love.

We both look

At the darkness that lies below the cliff

Just one question left to answer

Just one statement left to make

Two choices stand before you

I give you my hand,

You look at the edge.

Kadeen Nichelle Oksana Waldron

Thursday, March 15, 2012.

*long overdue contemplation, btw promise I’ll write a happier contemplation later