Wednesday, October 26, 2016. 21:30 hrs.
In the midst of midterms, and homework, and Billy Bob Jones.
Lacrimosa‘s taunting deed
Sits primly in its stark-white, ink-less corner.
It blossomed within her, slow, and gentle, a nearly beautiful thing. It was kind, willing to take its time, until the tremors that rocked her fingers, and the battered phone in her hand, had spread to her arms. She was afraid. Terrified, really, with the way she could feel it eating its way from within her. What was this thing that locked her limbs in place, and crawled through her chest, waiting for the tears to fall? Had it known? Was it familiar with the notion that she had held dear to; cultivated with near manic precision, and sharp determination? She wasn’t sure. She, herself, was not specially familiar with this particular sentiment, and were it not for Lacrimosa, biting coldly at her ears, it would soon be forgotten.
When the walls of indifference slip away for a moment,
There is terror in my soul,
A fear so poignant, and suffocating it staggers me;
Making the darkness of my sins’ meanings,
Pale virginally against the riptide of the fear,
The terror that corrodes my thought and gesture.
And under the weight of it all, I am so naked,
Unable to avoid the image of you;
You not wanting me;
Closing doors upon me;
The doors of your heart,
Windows of your eyes.
And it is under this spear of petrification
that my body freezes,
Skin and bones shattering
as teeth chatter painfully in silence;
The silence of your words,
And the deafness of your eyes;
Even as your ears are blind to my love,
and to my sorrow.
Kadeen Nichelle Oksana Waldron
Sunday, November 10, 2013. Aunty Kean’s birthday 20.44hrs
I watch him smile
It feels like the world has been lit up
And secretly I’m pleased.
Souls such as his
Should never be touched
By the hints of darkness and loss.
I smile to myself
Pleased as punch,
Sweet as tea,
Nothing is better than the smile of a friend.
Brown eyes blink back at me
Honey coloured in the sun;
Sweet, succulent honey
Marred by bitter- tasting thoughts
A momentary lapse
And shadows float
Slowly behind those darkened beams
Reality returns, the shadows clear
Once more the golden sun-shine plays
Dancing between those honey rays.
No mirth behind his laughter
A look of vulnerability
Crosses those stubborn brows.
You laugh at the mention of the word
Yet I can see the secret fears inside
The ones that make you shake
The ones that sully your dreams;
Another laugh to you.
Only the living need such things.
Isn’t that what you whisper behind that smile?
Veer you closer
Closer to the end.
The edge of the cliff.
How long before you let go?
How far before the crash?
I stretch my hand out
Hoping that you grab on
I promised I’d be your friend forever.
Swore to myself that I’d build those rails along the cliffs;
But what’s the need to stop you?
Isn’t that what your words imply?
We stand along the edge
You and I
The only rope
A bond of a friendship
And of love.
I stretch my hands
Offering the lifeline
My eyes beg that you take it
My words scream to you jump.
I step away
Watching from afar.
Close to the heart
Maybe nearest to my soul.
Pearls of wisdom
Flow from your lips
Covertly proffered between jokes and hints.
The warm sun caresses your face;
We look at the cliff
Dark clouds fly quickly in
Eerie sounds cross the ocean’s waves
Rain drops touch our skin
Warm breaths puff along the freezing air.
You look at me
Cold waves call
A promise of fatal embrace.
The edge seems closer
A question plays vividly on your face.
Like an open book
I read the soundless query
“Take the rope? Step over the edge? Surrender to the waves?”
I wish I could gift you the knowledge
The secrets that would help
But we both know
You must learn them for yourself.
As the wind whips your hair around your face
A memory enters my mind:
I see the walls that once existed
The crumbled bricks that once protected
The silent figure that stands before me.
Ruins, broken glass
All still valiently attempting
To care a pain-filled heart.
With one blink
The image is gone
But the forlorn howls of a lone wolf
From behind those shattered walls.
I offer you the rope
The precious cord of friendship
The gentle binds of love.
We both look
At the darkness that lies below the cliff
Just one question left to answer
Just one statement left to make
Two choices stand before you
I give you my hand,
You look at the edge.
Kadeen Nichelle Oksana Waldron
Thursday, March 15, 2012.
*long overdue contemplation, btw promise I’ll write a happier contemplation later
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