The Future

I realise that I have never written here when I’m happy, though I wouldn’t quite define my state of being as happy. I simply. Am. It feels relieving. I don’t know what exactly it was two weekends ago, somewhere between scrolling the beginnings of the book of Matthew, and attempting to keep Sabbath in its entirety, it just happened.  Nothing like being able to see the world with my old clarity again. So since I’m there right now, I figured, why not write about what I’ve always planned to do.

Originally the aim was to become to a doctor. Believe it or not, I was always fascinated with babies, and the observation of pregnancy. I do believe it may have had something to do with the beauty of seeing innocence and beauty enter the world, watching it slowly bloom in an abdomen until it finally becomes the living breathing delight we see. When most of the family expected me to head into Law because of my gift with words, I was trying to figure out what my name would sound like with a “Dr” attached to it. During the last two years or so, I lost sight of all of that. I lost sight of the fact that I had once wanted to go to Johns Hopkins University, and work there once my internship and residency were over with. I forgot that I wanted to see myself walk in that white coat, and I completely forgot about that bit of land that I know is specifically reserved for my home (InshaAllah as my Muslim friends say). It was a lovely dream, with children and a long industrious career. And that dream morphed into a desire to one day open up a hospital in my homeland, and the plan of one day adopting two little girls into my burgeoning family circle.

Last evening, I had a chance to really think about some of that again. I looked at it all carefully and came to the conclusion. I know that one day there will be a foundation under my initials known as “The Red Rose Foundation”. Red for blood. Blood which signifies life, and living, and tomorrows, and hopes. It is only when that blood is lost, when the leaves of the rose are wilted, and the green of the stems are gone, that the hope disappears. As long as the rose bushes are cared for, beautiful, gorgeous red roses will bloom signifying life every season. And under “The Red Rose Foundation”, I’ve so far decided that there will be the hospital, the counselling centre, the library, the learning centre, and the orphanage. With time, I may expand on that idea.

As I walk through the hallways of my college each day, I remember that I am bursting with thoughts. That I really am still a brilliant hub of synapses waiting to be put to use in just the right way. My options are wide open. I can still be the author I’ve slowly started to dream of and work towards. Everyday my skills as a musician improve. With time, and practice my sketches will get better and better, and I know that I am an all rounder. Everything I lay my hand on, works for me and the possibilities are endless. I just have to decide, and aim, and step out.

Now that I’ve made up my mind to do that double major in Biology and Psychology, I can see it even clearer that I will be able to have my dual career as a psychologist and obstetrician-gynaecologist. Every year of my youth that I’ve added on, I’ve known that each life experience has been placed before me only to help me become more empathetic, more sympathetic, more capable of relating, and that will one fine day aid me in the way I approach my patients, be they those with mental issues, or those who are adding a new life to the world. Whether I head to Loma Linda University(another old dream because I’ve always wanted to head to a SDA college), or Columbia I’ll be covered. Medical school, and my masters and doctorate in Psychology will turn up when they need to–after alot of my “Holy. Sh8t. Screw. This. Crap.” moments–and those million and one novels and short stories with a certain “by: Dr. Kittya Cullen” on the cover will appear too.

The future is bright. The pen remains in my hand. The camera is always at the tip of my fingers. I am bursting with words. I am moving and learning and seeing. I see where I am heading. I know where I am going, and with a lot of application, some serendipity (God‘s blessings), and a bout of depression or two, I’ll be quite fine on my end of the world. It’s good to be able to see the world clearly again. All the misery of 2012, and the spiral of the years before was completely worth it. I’ve stepped across that amusing perception I had managed to drag myself into of the past, and confronted it as precisely the way it was. Nothing will change it, no matter how many questions I ask or answers I seek….so in some ways, I’ll be dancing in the old me, with a little bit of the new me. The balance has been found. For now. 😉

Thoughts On Faith

**This was not an article, but  a brief contemplation on something for church.**

Faith is the ability to believe. It is an action word, and a concept. Faith is the willingness to hold firm to an idea, to a belief, even if logically and scientifically it cannot be proven. Faith in action, is performing the task to the best that you can. Full completion. Wholeheartedly working on your end of a deal. Why? Because we have the faith, the belief, that someone else will also do his/her best to make the deal successful. Without this faith, there can be no success.

An excellent example is our faith in modern medicine to cure our illnesses. This is because no cure will be 100% successful without the patient’s faith in its strength, and the patient’s belief in the doctor.

The same way with our faith in God. Nothing can be done by Him, FOR us, unless we truly believe in Him (please note I’m not saying that He will let you suffer, but that for the best effects, faith is necessary)*. This is why it’s important to accept and believe Christ‘s resurrection before we can proclaim ourselves Christians. This is also why we can do nothing without God’s blessings (note, I am not saying that He will literally come down and dump your thesis in a pile of water, or send a massive virus to screw up your hard drive. I’m saying that God allows certain things to happen, but that His interference makes the outcome even better)*.

Work without faith is useless. A fact that is made quite evident in so many well-known Bible stories. In particular, one incident among Jesus’ disciples.The disciples had seen Jesus casting demons out of various persons. Without fully understanding that faith in God was the key, they also tried to perform this miracle. The consequences were embarrassing and scary. These proclaimed men of God were mocked, and beaten by the demons. This was due to both their pride, and their lack of adequate faith in the power of God. Their faith resided in their own abilities only, and human abilities can never compare to the omnipotence of God.

On the other extreme, we have Jairus‘ story. His daughter was sick to the point of death. In fact, she did die. However, Christ resurrected her because of Jairus’ faith, that is, his willingness to believe that Jesus could heal her, dead or alive. Or how about the centurion whose servant was sick. This man, who had only heard of the wonders performed by Jesus, rushed to meet this Christ-person. He, who probably worshipped all those idols that were the focus of the Roman Empire, came before a Jewish carpenter that proclaimed the Jewish Yahweh. His simple request from Jesus to heal his dying servant, was met with a profound exchange of words, that left all in the audience pondering. Then without finesse, Jesus told the centurion that his servant was healed. His servant who was nowhere near them. How? The centurion’s faith in Christ’s ability.This centurion had no way of knowing before he got home, whether or not Jesus had healed his servant; yet he and Jairus exhibited faith in Christ’s power to provide healing for the people they cared about.

Perhaps, one of the best examples of faith in action, will forever remain “the woman with the issue of blood”. She bled for 12 years. Can you imagine bleeding for 12 long years? For those of us who experience a period, even one day feels like too much. The thought of bleeding everyday, for 12 years would make us go insane! All the physicians she met were unable to help her. Then she heard of Jesus. Just from hearing what He had done for others, she developed the belief/faith that Jesus could heal her. The crowd was thick. The streets were packed. People were pressing closer to Him from all sides. Jesus was completely surrounded by disciples, well-wishers, curious spectators, and the usual haters. She knew there was no way for Him to touch her. She was so close, yet it felt like a distance of miles. Then, another option popped into her mind. She decided that all she would need to do was touch the EDGE of His clothing. THAT was her belief. Her faith convinced her, that something many of us would consider simple and pointless, WOULD have power. Now that is FAITH.

Kadeen Nichelle Oksana Waldron

January 28, 2012.

*some adjustments were made March 9, 2012.