Walls

When the walls of indifference slip away for a moment,

There is terror in my soul,

A fear so poignant, and suffocating it staggers me;

Making the darkness of my sins’ meanings,

Pale virginally against the riptide of the fear,

The terror that corrodes my thought and gesture.

And under the weight of it all, I am so naked,

Unable to avoid the image of you;

You not wanting me;

Closing doors upon me;

The doors of your heart,

Windows of your eyes.

And it is under this spear of petrification

that my body freezes,

Skin and bones shattering

as teeth chatter painfully in silence;

The silence of your words,

And the deafness of your eyes;

Even as your ears are blind to my love,

and to my sorrow.

Kadeen Nichelle Oksana Waldron

Sunday, November 10, 2013. Aunty Kean’s birthday 20.44hrs

Let You Go?

I made you my friend,

I trusted you with my secrets.

I delved into your soul,

Placed my heart in my hand

To search your hurt depths within,

Hidden-

In the darkened pools of your eyes.

 

I told you I loved you,

I made you my bestfriend

I struggled long, and hard-

To earn your treasured

trust.

 

I looked into your eyes,

I believed what I saw.

How could I not?

They seemed so full of love-

Made it all seem worth it,

So worth it at the time.

A friendship for a heart

A heart for a friendship.

 

You told me you loved me,

You made me your bestfriend

How then can you ignore me?

This so-called friend of yours?

You say that you’re busy-

I’ve never denied,

Your time isn’t all mine

After all, friends or not

Your life isn’t mine.

 

I just wonder,

I just need to know,

If I’m this precious friend of yours-

Why do you find it so hard-

To pick up the phone?

Does it prick you-

To send one little message?

Does it bother you-

To share your time with me?

 

I probably will never know;

I probably will never hear,

So it seems best to me,

To simply let you go.

 

Best friend you said.

Closest to your heart you claimed.

Shrug-

Easiest to forget you really meant.

Easiest to let go.

 

So it seems best to me,

To simply follow suit.

I can no longer grasp the ends.

I guess….

I should just let you go?

 

Kadeen Nichelle Oksana Waldron

Monday, July 9, 2012.